If you have been in a relationship before, or have studied the relationship of your relatives and friends, you probably know that all relationships tend to break up in the short term and lead to bitterness easily. Most relationships do not last even a year and end quickly.
but how can we have a long-term romantic relationship?
A Long-term Romantic Relationship
You need to know that relationships tend to break up on their own, unless you study, spend time, and put energy into maintaining them. Because, in fact, in a relationship, what you do is put two people together, each with their own beliefs, interests, needs, and temperaments.
Relationships as a Two-person Dance
A relationship is like a two-person dance. When a relationship starts, two people get closer to each other and want to show a more beautiful dance. They interact and dance together, and this new dance must be orderly and harmonious to be more beautiful than their solo and separate dance.
As the duration of this two-person dance increases, it is obvious that the probability of disintegration and destruction of this dance increases, and for the two to be in harmony, each of them must know the dance alone, have a mutual understanding, constantly acquire a certain level of growth and personality and increase their skills.
Problems starts when…
The problem with the majority of the world and society is that people like to enter into a relationship and continue it as normal;
Without studying their skills, their promotion, and their knowledge of the opposite sex, continue the relationship to see what happens and all they want is to be together at any cost. This is while a relationship normally tends to collapse.
You need to know that for a relationship to continue (especially with long-term goals such as marriage), you need to work specifically on yourself, otherwise, you should note that more than half of all marriages and relationships lead to divorce and separation. You need to constantly study and examine the psychology of relationship, love, attractiveness, and so on.
Just as traveling to the moon takes years of complex study and computation, and there is an academic discipline (because it is complex), so to maintain a relationship you need to do the necessary research and improve yourself. Because keeping two people together may be much harder than keeping a spaceship in space.
What are the characteristics of a Healthy Relationship?
There are three types of relationships:
Dependent relationship
Both parties have needs on their own and meet each other to fill that need. This type of relationship is the worst kind of relationship and of course a painful one. In this regard, there is frustration when the person does not do what you want (for whatever reason). You need to know that no one can perfect you psychologically. And it is psychologically impossible or better to say, it is rare for the other party to meet all your needs at the same time.
If we want to compare it with dance, this kind of relationship is like a dance in which two people do not know how to dance alone. Now, when they get together, they will not be able to perform a good dance. In fact, in this type of relationship, people alone can not be happy and in peace with themselves, so how can they keep that peace when they get together? In this type of relationship, two people alone are flawed, so how can they get along? And create a better situation?
Independent relationship
better than the first type. The two sides are completely independent and each has its path, which is different from the path of the other person. However, this relationship should also gradually move towards the third type of relationship, and it can achieve its extraordinary status by becoming a type three relationship.
Semi-independent relationship
Each party to the relationship is self-employed and independent. They both have good psychological and mental abilities and according to the example we gave of two people dancing, know how to dance alone, know how their brains work, they know how to control their emotions, and now that they’re together, they can create a more beautiful dance. They enjoy being together and try to grow together and complement each other and create more beautiful moments.
A very Rare Kind of Relationship
A very rare kind of relationship can be very, very unlikely (in the movies!) And that is that the two parties, with all their being and in all their moments, give their lives for each other and each other’s needs to fully complement each other.
In fact, in this regard, people, along with the growth they have from within, also pay special attention to the growth of the other party and the betterment of the other party. And despite everything, they try to give the best feelings in different ways. They have even had such careful studies of the opposite sex that they know exactly how to diversify their relationship. In short, both of these people are complete masters in recognizing the mind and needs of the other person and paying attention to them.
IS IT POSSIBLE?
Although this condition is unique, it is psychologically very, very rare and very unlikely to occur. If such a situation can be created, no relationship will be more beautiful than this (of course, it will have a very bitter end, for example, with the death of one of the parties, the other will suffer a lot of damage unless he acquires the necessary mental and emotional abilities) .
The important thing about this relationship is that the two parties, while dependent, should try to make progress and not fall into the trap of being left out of the path of progress: because this relationship will bring extraordinary feelings and, therefore, may cause Let people neglect their growth. This type of relationship is almost the same as the third case, and if you can create such a relationship, everything will be fantastic. As each party strives to take responsibility for their own feelings and create a good feeling within themselves,
And at the same time, all their focus is on providing the best feelings to the other person, meeting his needs, and sometimes even being the best for him by compromise. This relationship will be truly wonderful and actually a long-term relationship. But it requires high spiritual strength on both sides of the relationship.
Again, a two-person dance is only beautiful in one state, and that is when both are good at dancing alone. So if you are in a relationship, grow yourself constantly in all dimensions.
Important points for a Healthy Long-term Relationship
1️⃣ For a good relationship, you need to work on your psychological skills
Can you stay alone in the room for 30 minutes and be happy on your own? You have to work on your life. Work on your health and beauty, on controlling your emotions and anger, on courtesy and mutual respect. Work on your science and knowledge. Learn how to be attractive, how to always be calm. Work on your loyalty and intellectual maturity. Work on your fears, beliefs, etc. to get better every day. You will attract someone who is exactly like you or you will attract your complement. Do your best to attract the same person. You have to be the best dancer to dance with the best and create a more beautiful dance.
2️⃣ If you do not have the necessary psychology, do not spend too much time together
In a relationship, two couples take refuge and are always together. And because they are so much together, they break up (note that if two couples work on themselves, this is not the case and every second of being together can produce more love between them).
3️⃣ Honesty; the most important factor in a long-term relationship
You cannot build a healthy, long-term relationship with lies. For example, being honest about your past or your work is very important. Without honesty, it is impossible to have a good relationship in the long run. Trust between you should not be lost by exposing your lies. Even if sometimes honesty jeopardizes the whole relationship, choose honesty because if it turns out that you have hidden something or lied, the trust between you will be lost and The chances of having a long-term relationship will be very low. We do not mean to be honest only in very important matters. Rather, politically saying things like I no longer love you (lying) is also dishonest. Harassment to reach another situation and politics is about dishonesty. Live honestly and without politics because you are going to be together for a long time.
4️⃣ Make rules and demands of both parties
Make rules and demands of both parties and under no circumstances let the rules and demands of the other party be violated by you.
5️⃣ Be prejudiced against each other and show that the most important person in your life is your love
Family and friends are important, but you have to accept and show that the most important person in your life is your partner with whom you spend a lot of time. You should know that now you are starting a new life and creating memories and later you are going to deliver children to society, so you should have a special prejudice against yourself. Do not sell each other to the whole world and love and prioritize your partner more than anyone. Learn from the past during the relationship and do not repeat what has caused controversy in the past.
6️⃣ BE A LEARNER AT EVERY MOMENT
It is by learning that you can hope that the relationship is growing day by day, otherwise, it is not interesting if in all the relationships there is a discussion about a certain topic. For permanent problems and discussions, find a permanent solution so that the first discussion on a particular topic is also the last discussion on it.
7️⃣ Be a giver not a receiver
The reason for your presence in the relationship should be to give, not to receive. You have to enjoy giving and make that person feel wonderful. Remember that you will normally receive when you give. Both parties must focus on giving and meeting the needs of the other person well.
8️⃣ Always do your Best
Whenever you do something wrong, make up for it with all your might, and always remember the rule that if you give positive or negative energy, the same energy will return to you because you are on a ship.
9️⃣ Work on your relationship
Communication is the most important factor that keeps a relationship alive. If in a relationship you cannot easily express your inner needs, fears, and feelings to the other person, you will not have a chance for a long-term relationship.
🔟 Be Honest about your feelings with yourself and also your partner
As two people who are going to be together for a long time, you need to have a good relationship and talk to each other. Coercion is the severance of a relationship, the result of which is the destruction of the relationship. When hiding your feelings, do not expect the other person to read your mind. Women should pay more attention to this point because according to their mental structure, they like to say everything indirectly and hide their needs. If you have a very healthy relationship, something can’t upset the relationship. The plagues of a healthy relationship are things like aggression, bullying, disrespect, and stubbornness that do not allow proper communication at all. Never hide your feelings and needs. When something goes wrong, address it quickly and also try to fix the moment that upsets the other person. Do not let the wounds grow old.
1️⃣1️⃣ Compromise
When the connection is strong, compromise as much as possible. Note that if somewhere compromise requires sacrificing one of your basic needs and wants, never do so, and try to find another alternative. Because in the end, human beings cannot tolerate from somewhere and sacrificing one of the needs of both parties, in the long run, will hit the whole relationship.
1️⃣2️⃣ Be Grateful
Be grateful to your partner. This is one of the most important qualities you need to create in yourself. When people put energy into a relationship, they like to see the result in the smallest detail, even in the way the other person speaks more than before. For example, a woman who has put all her energy into a relationship for several years, or a man who has put all his energy into many years, does not deserve cruel treatment.
A man who has been with his wife for many years in the best moments and hardships does not deserve to be treated badly. You need to appreciate the moments and respect each other’s efforts. If gratitude is not present in the relationship, it is as if all memories and efforts are wasted and nothing exists. Just like everything you do, it blows and goes up in the air. So you have to appreciate each other.
1️⃣3️⃣ Be with your partner in difficult times
Be with your partner in difficult times. Show that you are with your partner in adversity and that you are in love with him or her no matter what happens.
1️⃣4️⃣ Give gifts, be unpredictable, do not let life become dull
Don’t let your whole life be a collection of repetitive patterns. If the number of repetitive patterns in your life increases, everything will become dull (even if everything is the best).
1️⃣5️⃣ Do the same with your partner, That you want him/her to do with you
Always remember that every negative or positive energy that you share with your partner will completely affect your life; so it is so important to always be optimistic especially in your difficult times and try to do your best to make the situation more peaceful than ever.
1️⃣6️⃣ Improve your Spiritual power
Work on your ethics and improve yourself. In a long-term relationship, it is the moral and spiritual power that can help maintain the relationship.
Attributes such as kindness, anger management, generosity and forgetting the past, attractiveness, being energetic, optimistic, respectful, knowledgeable. Yes, create all the positive qualities in yourself because with everything you give, and all the positive energies you give, it will return to you.
1️⃣7️⃣ Be Responsible
If you do something wrong, stand up for yourself. If you cross the red line in the relationship, pay it back as much as it’s worth (The amount of this penalty is up to the other party to determine). Be prepared to pay the price in any way possible, and do not guard against what is happening. When you make a mistake, take responsibility for your behavior. For example, the penalty for your mistake maybe a few days of lack of space, or anger, or even aggression and anger from the other party. Admit your mistake anyway.
1️⃣8️⃣ Encourage your partner and give him/her motivation
Encourage your partner and give him motivation and energy, not destructive and negative energy. Do not forget that you are both on the same ship and you cannot reach the destination by piercing the ship in which you are.
1️⃣9️⃣ Do not compare
If you compare, always show your partner higher. You are both passengers on the same ship and you are on the same ship. You are a team and can’t climax by lowering your partner against other ships. Your happy moments come together. Never try to make the lives of others more beautiful than your moments. This is the life you are in. Do not hurt yourself and your life.
Finally, it must be said that whatever two people put together, there will be thousands of differences between them, their beliefs and their words. The only thing that will solve any problem and make the parties reconcile with each other is true and wholehearted love. If you truly create true love in your relationship, you will find that even if the cultures of the two parties are completely different, the parties will be willing to compromise.
